It was a regular Wednesday morning. Birds were chirping, the neighbor’s goat was singing again, and Samire was halfway through his second cup of tea when Hodan walked in, holding something in her hand like it was a live grenade.
A pregnancy test.
Two pink lines.
Samire blinked.
Then blinked again.
Then said the only thing his brain could come up with:
“Is that… positive… like in a good way?”
Hodan just nodded and smiled.
Samire dropped the tea.
“I’m gonna be a BABA?!”
He fainted before the tea hit the floor.
Phase 1: Denial
Samire woke up five minutes later on the kitchen floor.
“I’m not ready,” he whispered. “I don’t even know how to hold a baby. What if it poops on me? What if I poop on it?!”
Hodan reassured him: “You’ll be fine.”
But Samire Googled ‘How to be a father’ and immediately panicked again.
Phase 2: Preparation
He took it seriously.
- Started watching parenting videos on YouTube.
- Practiced burping techniques on a watermelon.
- Tried to build a crib with no tools—just duct tape and dreams.
He even started talking to Hodan’s belly:
“Hey little guy, or girl… I’m your dad. Don’t worry, I’m funny. Just don’t ask me for math homework.”
Phase 3: Panic Returns
At month five, Samire attended his first prenatal class with Hodan.
There was a fake baby.
Samire dropped it. Twice.
The nurse said, “Don’t worry. You’ll get the hang of it.”
Samire whispered to Hodan, “Can we just skip to age 18 when they move out?”
Phase 4: The Baby Shower
The aunties arrived with drama.
One insisted the baby must be named after her grandfather, who was apparently a warrior-poet-fisherman.
Another demanded traditional dancing.
Meanwhile, Samire stood in the corner with wide eyes and a diaper bag, whispering, “I miss peace and quiet. Even the goat is scared.”
Final Scene: Ultrasound Visit
At the clinic, Samire saw the baby on screen for the first time.
A tiny bean-shaped blur.
He stared in silence.
Then leaned in and whispered:
“Hi… I’m your dad. I promise I’ll always make you laugh. And yes, I’ll learn how to change diapers. Maybe.”
Hodan smiled.
For once, Samire didn’t make a joke.
He just held her hand and realized…
This is real.
Moral of the story:
You’re never really ready to be a parent. But with love, laughter, and YouTube tutorials, anything is possible—even for Samire.
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