Here’s a humorous short story about Samire, the Somali comedian, and the dilemma he faced with his marriage crisis. Enjoy!
“Samire and the Marriage Crisis”
Samire, who is the self proclaimed funniest man in Mogadishu (self-proclaimed because nobody else filled that role) had a problem.
His mother.
Not a new problem, but this time… she was serious.
“Samire,” she said one morning while peeling a mango like she was peeling the world from its axis. “I would like to see your children before I die.”
“But Mama,” Samire answered, cautiously eyeing the knife she was using to cut a mango, “you are perfectly healthy, you eat more than I do!”
“Exactly Cos! You are both! Before my teeth fall out and I forget your name, I need grandchildren.”
Samire was 34, broke, jobless (unless making memes from his bedroom counts as employment), living at home, and had an idea of cooking that would make warming leftovers with a hair dryer anyone’s definition of chef. And now he was supposed to get married?
It made him panic.
He called up his cousin Abdi to ask for some counsel.
“Get a rich girl,” Abdi suggested. “or pretend to be rich. Wear sunglasses inside. It works for me.”
So Samire gave it a go.
He borrowed his uncle’s Mercedes, which unfortunately had no brakes, he wore sunglasses inside Bakaaraha market, and he told a girl that he owned four camels and a TikTok empire.
She had a big smile on her face, then asked the fateful question, “are you that Samire who still owes me $2 for the shop from last Eid?!”
Busted.
He ran.
Next up, online dating.
He posted his best photo (2014, when he had hair).
His bio said:
“Funny. Loyal. Only slightly allergic to responsibility.”
No matches.
Eventually, Samire. Just gave up. Sat on his bed. Sighed loudly like a man in a Turkish drama. “Maybe I was meant to be single. Like rice. Rice never marries. Rice is just… rice.”
Then, his mom barged in with a picture album and five aunties on speakerphone.
“Pick one,” she said. “We’re going bride shopping.”
Samire nearly passed out.
But as he flipped through the pictures, one girl spoke out to him. She had kind eyes… and was holding a plate of sambusa.
He said quietly, “Maybe… maybe there’s hope after all.”
He got up, fixed his hairline with a black marker, then said, “Mama, call and book the hall. Your boy is getting married—InshaAllah, if she says yes.”
Moral of the story:
If you are broke, live with your mom, and lie about owning camels… at least have a laugh about it.
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